A Babe

Tonight, I sit here at my computer, trying to figure out how to let all of this out.

A babe, a babe still in swaddling clothing, that is I, however, consciously aware of my wisdom and knowledge.

In this life, as Stephanie, I feel I have lived at least 3 lives. Each one with tremendous lessons, each different in their own turn, yet threaded together. This last year, signifies the beginning of number four, finding my purpose, finding my true self. I have been reflective of my life: family, friends, decisions, mistakes, and the full spectrum. I have owned my part, and set about to not making the same mistakes, forgiving myself. I have looked deep inside to find compassion, forgiveness, courage, hope, and most of all, love. My love for myself so in turn, I am able to love. There is no difference in giving and receiving love. I am blessed, blessed, and blessed again for every morning that I wake to love. What we leave in this world is not what we possess in the material world, but the essence of our souls and hearts.

In the past I have stood in my own way, out of fear. My fear has been a fear of success, which is based in not believing in myself. I choose not to settle. I am precious and beyond price, I believe in myself, just as I believe in others. I have gifts and one of those gifts is seeing in others what they don’t see or they try to hide, their beautiful souls. The irony is that has been me. At one time, I called myself a fantastic actress and perhaps missed a calling, because I didn’t ever show my true self, feelings, I learned to stuff them away and be what I was expected to be. However, this is no longer the case, I just am. I am free to love, live, laugh, learn and all those wonderful verbs. We all are when we choose to let fear go. Fear is nothing but a prison, and I have walked out of my cell for the last time and I am not turning back.

Recently, I have come to know some very wise folks of an older generation. They tell me I am still just a baby; at 35, I have felt so old in many respects. I am now realizing, what the hell do I know! I am happy to be a babe, looking at the world in wonderment and curiosity, walking my journey with a new set of “eyes”, now I am armed with a little bit of wisdom and knowledge.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

I studied and learned this poem in 11th grade Speech class at the age of 16. It has stuck with me for almost 20 years. I have made my choice, take the one less traveled by, I am sure it makes all the difference.

Purpose

"The Aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial means and hold it fixed so that a hundred years later, when a stranger looks at it, it moves again since it is life."

- William Faulkner