A Babe

Tonight, I sit here at my computer, trying to figure out how to let all of this out.

A babe, a babe still in swaddling clothing, that is I, however, consciously aware of my wisdom and knowledge.

In this life, as Stephanie, I feel I have lived at least 3 lives. Each one with tremendous lessons, each different in their own turn, yet threaded together. This last year, signifies the beginning of number four, finding my purpose, finding my true self. I have been reflective of my life: family, friends, decisions, mistakes, and the full spectrum. I have owned my part, and set about to not making the same mistakes, forgiving myself. I have looked deep inside to find compassion, forgiveness, courage, hope, and most of all, love. My love for myself so in turn, I am able to love. There is no difference in giving and receiving love. I am blessed, blessed, and blessed again for every morning that I wake to love. What we leave in this world is not what we possess in the material world, but the essence of our souls and hearts.

In the past I have stood in my own way, out of fear. My fear has been a fear of success, which is based in not believing in myself. I choose not to settle. I am precious and beyond price, I believe in myself, just as I believe in others. I have gifts and one of those gifts is seeing in others what they don’t see or they try to hide, their beautiful souls. The irony is that has been me. At one time, I called myself a fantastic actress and perhaps missed a calling, because I didn’t ever show my true self, feelings, I learned to stuff them away and be what I was expected to be. However, this is no longer the case, I just am. I am free to love, live, laugh, learn and all those wonderful verbs. We all are when we choose to let fear go. Fear is nothing but a prison, and I have walked out of my cell for the last time and I am not turning back.

Recently, I have come to know some very wise folks of an older generation. They tell me I am still just a baby; at 35, I have felt so old in many respects. I am now realizing, what the hell do I know! I am happy to be a babe, looking at the world in wonderment and curiosity, walking my journey with a new set of “eyes”, now I am armed with a little bit of wisdom and knowledge.